Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
