I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
