NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
