look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
