Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
