my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's blow job season.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
