Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
