i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
