my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
