I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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