I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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