You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
