my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
