Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
