I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
