Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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