I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
