What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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