"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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