I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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