I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
