I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
