just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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