i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
