we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
porn star boner night. come get it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
