halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
