Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize