the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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