I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
