so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
