you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
