The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
