In America we eat man semen.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
