booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
