i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
