she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
