Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
