No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Randomize
