Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
dude. I can hear the air.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
