I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
