I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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