i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
