i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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