we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
