Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
