I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize