you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize