fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
