They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
