Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
