I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
