I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
