And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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