I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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