i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
