I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize