I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
