Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
