She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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