Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
