its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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