The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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