You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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