she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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