i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
