He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
