you guys were way drunker than both of me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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