I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
