after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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