If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize