Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
this will be a night to untag.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Randomize
