okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
