I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
