I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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