some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
