i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
