Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
