he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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