So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
