Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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