I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
