Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
