So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
