Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
