I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She bit a glass in half.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
