4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
