Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
