I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
