i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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