yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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